Why I don't pray for stability (anymore)

My church has a tradition in January that you write down a prayer, or two or three prayers, and seal them in an envelope.  Through the year you purposefully pray that prayer and then the next January you open them up.  They have seen many prayers answered and it's a good reminder that God doesn't always answer prayers right away, sometimes he takes his time, and sometimes he has answered our prayers we just haven't realized it. 

So in January I wrote down three prayers.  The first one was for stability.  I decided that the last three years have been fairly unpleasant and challenging.  Jobs haven't exactly been great for Tony and we I have spent by far too much time thinking about where the next paycheque will be coming from.  Tony, even though he can get disappointed and depressed by the whole job thing, has always been trusting that God has a plan, even though it is hard to trust that.  Yep, I find that hard to do.  So, stability must be what we need, right?  I started praying for stability.  We need stability.  I need to know that life won't always be this complicated and I need to know that paycheques can be consistent and that I don't need to worry about where groceries will be coming from.  Here's the thing, that's a stupid thing to pray for.  Within a month of praying for stability Tony was let go from that job.  Here we are back to not knowing where money will be coming from and when he will be working again.  So much for stability. 

After a few months of being annoyed I remembered the third prayer I wrote.  In January I thought it might be a good thing to pray for God to have control in my life.  I thought that maybe I didn't need to be as in control as I think I need to be, and maybe I should give some control to God.  But I never got around to praying that, so far it was just an idea, but not one I wanted to practice.  And really, I like to control things, why would I give control to someone else, even if that someone else is our creator and is amazing.  But, after doing things my way didn't work I thought seeing what God could do really couldn't be that bad.

So, I started praying for God to have control in my life.  Oh that was hard.  I like to be in charge, I like to know what's happening, I like to tell people what to do.  I don't want to wait and listen.  I had to remind myself every day that God has control and he can do what he wants and I will do my best to work with him.  You know what, he didn't give Tony a job, he didn't bring stability, and life was certainly not any easier to deal with.  But when I knew that God was in control I became more trusting and I became more willing to wait.  I still had moments, mostly moments of self pity when I felt that life was being too hard and why was it being so hard for me when other people seemed to have everything.  There were other things we were dealing with at that point that made it easy for me to pity myself, but I kept reminding myself that God was in charge now and that I had to trust him. 

It took five months for Tony to find another job.  Five months is a long time to wait.  In that five months though we never once had to wonder where our groceries were coming from, some how money would always show up when we needed it.  And, thinking about all the times Tony has been out of work, God has always provided.  Throughout these last three years God has always given us what we needed.

So, I don't pray for stability anymore.  I pray that I can keep giving God control.  Because you know He already has control.